I Was Married

I was married – Tegan and Sara

I don’t know how i am supposed to be proud of this if i keep dredging up songs that abase me, or dredge songs that surface writing and thoughts i have that lead to even greater abasement as i air them. Yes, oh well. This is the first song of an album that i will always remember as that which soundtracked the time i first moved out of home, though not the time spent in my new independence away from home but those ties of dependence that sent me back to mum’s place once or twice every week: Things i had left that i still had to pick up, things i quickly became aware i needed to run a household that i had no foresight i would ever need, food, extra money, holding a base so as to not let on to my friends that i actually had moved out of home, homesickness, Wilberforce, and, above all, the internet.

I spent over a year here in my new life here without the internet. It surprisingly was quite easy to do without, but every time i returned to Wilberforce there it was, and there i would sit until 4am, sometimes all night, with school the following day, trying to cram and catch up a weeks worth of internet into one session. The Conwas released about this time, and being in quite significant poverty at the time (when left to myself – i still had a place to live, food, and support from my mum if i needed it. So not true poverty, just no possibility of leisurely spending) i had no hope for purchased music so downloading it it was.

I actually didn’t download the whole thing, missing this song as well as a couple of others as i picked songs based on what internet people declared as their favourites. This was never mentioned. Maybe a case of a throwaway song as album opener. I don’t agree with that. The first time i heard this was when i became comfortable and successful enough with this independence that i could afford to buy the album and listen to it wholly. I do that, when i can. What a chump.

One thing about Tegan and Sara irks me. They rarely end their songs well. Riding along with the song, every melody, every hook, every layer working so well, and then it just ends, so abruptly, without any fitting glory to what has gone on in the the two to three minutes beforehand. I have always wondered if this was a conscious decision of their’s because there are enough extant templates to shape good, non-upsetting endings to songs on. That is really the only thing i can say against them. I’m sure others could find a whole lot more.