The execution of all things – Rilo Kiley
The oldest, still wearable t-shirt i own is my Rilo Kiley shirt. Still without holes and intact despite a stretched neckline, it’s in such good condition because it was well made and because i’m so often not brave enough to wear it. My shameful love for this band is something i need to get over (the shame part, not the love). That they still give me so much, stir so much, and align perfectly with who and how i’d like to be is not something i should mute. Yet i can’t ever seem to bring it out. It is such an intensely personal love and any fear of stigma and reproach is probably entirely internal anyway. Others don’t care. They’ve their own lives, and i don’t figure in them as much as i think i do.
If i do become brave enough to wear it, though, i will slowly kill one of the best shirts i own. To have this die, any part of it – clothing, affect, love, anything – is for me a sad thing indeed. I think wearing the shirt out now is more likely to have me perceived as someone stuck in an embarrassingly outdated glory day, who hasn’t been invested in music past 2002. That’s not so far from the case.
